Surfing with the Hoff

11/30/2023 -

For the first half of the night, I'm a cosmic solar orb entity with a lighter orange exterior and dark blood orange core and I'm flying around in a super awesome spaceship. I'm pretty sure the reality of being a solar orb entity flying a soulship is too freaky for my human mind to process so I don't recall much of the plot here but I do end up living in some sort of complex with a bunch of other artist types orbs. Shenanigans ensue with these artist type orbs but the nature of those shenanigans? No idea.

Down the road in my sleep cycle I'm awakened by one of my coworkers. She's apparently working from home at the place we're staying and even though I have the day off, she has an emergency and needs to use my computer. Whatever. This puts me in a very odd subjective world that's like living in a peaceful pink and purple hued sunset. A liminal state within a liminal state. I'm living in a blissed out painted sunset mind portal and in this pleasant portal I find myself watching an unidentified arty MTV show on my Surface Pro, which gives me this amazingly profound sense of nostalgia.

This show is cutoff though and I end up warping across the room outside of the bliss portal contemplating those cool arty MTV shows back in the day, the few of them that there were, again drenched in a profound sense of nostalgia. I can't remember which one I was just watching though. Austin Stories? Nah, that wasn't it.

Anyway, now my wife walks in dressed to the fucking hilt. She's wearing this unbelievable sharply cut sparkly silver high fashion dress and she's got these decorative gold bar accessories tying up her hair and accentuating her waist. It's some full blown Met Gala shit and she looks goddamn amazing from head to toe but also overdressed for nearly any occasion. The whole package works but my coworker, who's still there (and also a gay woman) chimes in:

"I mean, sure, but I like someone with a little work from home dressed down dirt on them."

Gotcha. In the next scenario I've warped to this distant land where everyone is dressed up in old timey costumes, except that I can't identify from which time period these are supposed to be. They seem like they're coming from alternate human pasts in alternate worlds but again, this is only dress up. The one room I really remember seems like medieval ren fair shit but like ren fair shit for a sci fi video game's version of those times. In this room these people are all playing this odd chess like game where there are toy train track like planks behind where they are sitting that are also part of the board and have pieces on them.

I don't get it either and another part of this reality is like a shopping mall. In retrospect it almost seems like a metaphor for tabletop nerd game culture, which is admittedly something I don't understand at all. I'm with a small unidentified crew and I'm determined to get the fuck out of this place but part of the premise to this excursion is that these people are stuck in this alternate world. So like, how the fuck are we going to escape if they haven't after all this time?

Supposedly the solution is to swim away though this impenetrably turbulent ocean surf and there's an understanding that no one in this distant colony has survived this trek. Which is why I'm questioning the premise of how we're going to escape this exactly. Then when we get into the water, my perspective shifts into 3rd person mode and now I'm David Hasselhoff and he's breaking out a surfboard, so I'm all:

"What, this dude's just such a bad ass surfer that he can surf these massive waves like no one else can? He's just that hardcore?"

Them I'm like.

"Oh yeah, sorry, that's actually awesome."

There is a level of camp that I wasn't catching at first and as I watch the Hoff navigate these ginormous waves and surf right the fuck out of that weirdo place, I'm quite pleased. It's like he's one with the waves in such an over the top and cheeseball fashion that it rules. This was in fact the perfect ending to the scenario.

12/1/2023 -

Even though I'm sick as absolute shit from the latest COVID vax, a few nuggets do come through. I was playing Starfield before I went to bed so for the first few hours of the night I had these visions that where I was creating different spaceship and crew configuration, and am shown that I should have made the crew of this one spaceship fatter.

This is funny when I do wake up and shivering uncontrollably from the vaccine despite the temperature in my room being cranked up. Because the bivalent one made me puke my guts out all night I fasted when taking the latest one and you know what? When you feel like you're freezing to death you sort of wish you had a few extra calories in you. After a couple of hours, when the severe chill flu zone subsided I had this vision of these 3 elongated space whales flying into a sublime psychedelic sunset. Autoimmune synaesthesia. The far out space whales had done their job in supercharging my immune system with their deep freeze invasion and now they were bouncing.

And whereas I wish I had more food in me when I was being influenza chilled to death, later in the night when I dry heaved once and immediately felt better, fasting was obviously the right call. One more thing, during the course of the night it's pointed out to me that I'm:

"A meathead."

Fair point. I am sort of an idiot who lifts weights and obsesses over sports. I've put on like an extra 15 pounds of muscle just in the last year, which wasn't even something I was trying to do. High intensity training works, way better than I ever anticipated honestly.

12/2/2023 -

It's the scenario where I work at this huge company in a concrete tower and there's this weird loophole where I can get to the upper floor division above mine through the stairwell. I apparently don't have access to this floor via the elevator but it's not card restricted via the stairs, which is either just some oversight or no one cares as we all work for the same company.

Anyway, I'm just hanging out at work and for completely unknown reasons I decide I want to go up to this higher floor via the exterior concrete steps. Actually I do make up a reason. I want to see if they have fancier free corporate office beverages on that higher floor. You can feel the wind coursing through these hallways in the sky. We've gotta be like 40 floors up at least and maybe it is like the maintenance stairway or whatever which is why no one's noticed the security flaw or again, maybe it isn't a flaw.

Do they have better free beverages up here? Yes. Not much better but they do have these free energy drink things that come in these black cans. I'm not sure about the black can flavor but hey, free energy drinks right? The place seems crowded and the people seem busy. I get the impression exactly no one would ever question me being up here or care but at the same time, why do I keep feeling compelled to do this? What's with the odd security oversight? None of this seems like my idea on a conscious level at all.

In another dream I'm talking sports with these dudes and one of them calls out my brother for his ridiculous hot take that the Browns could win the Super Bowl. I wasn't familiar with this take and am more shocked than anyone, so I have to press him further. This goes on for a bit like we're all on a sports media show and there's genuinely no need to elaborate further but I will say that my brother does have some ridiculous takes on a wide variety of topics in the waking world. This is a metaphor.

Now I'm in a situation where my Dad offers to take me to a Seahawks game sort of last minute and I'm super excited. You know, I've actually never been to a Seahawks game before somehow, that sounds awesome! But when we get there it's actually a baseball game and I'm disappointed but whatevs. My dad just sort of wants to sit in whatever seats are available, which we do but then very quickly realize that we can barely see the game. The guy next to us is complaining about it too. He's this thin older white dude with feathery hair and he's pointing out that we're just seeing right field. There's a huge building in the middle of field between us and the action. The action seems to be mostly happening inside.

Obviously none of this makes sense so on anything other than on a metaphorical level so I insist we look at the tickets and find our actual seats. This leads us first to sitting right by the huge building in the middle of the field, to then being inside it watching a movie about baseball. Then we realize that wait, this isn't a baseball game, it's a movie about baseball starring Brad Pitt.

Now we're inside this theater and we're realizing the whole building in the middle of the field is this billionaire's house. They have a huge home movie theater and they've invited a bunch of peeps to catch a flick with them in it. The whole thing seems like a brewery and a movie theater merged into one honestly and we're all sitting sort of distanced from each other like we're at different tables in a restaurant. We're trying to take in the flick but these billionaire douches stop the thing to drop in some commentary. One kind of looks like an alternate reality version of the late Gene Siskel and his wife is this thin older woman with shortly cropped gray hair.

Here's where it gets fascinating. I have no recollection of what they say at all, but the vibes man. I grok it all. They feel somewhat guilty for owning this ridiculously huge movie theater just for themselves, so on occasion they host events like this to essentially make them feel better about how selfish they are. Some common folk like us get to enjoy their ridiculous opulence on occasion, they're not so bad. But also, they have this theater because they are clearly film dorks and they're insisting on doing their little commentary on the movies they've chosen and why. So this has jack to do with any sort of charity, it's vanity all the way down. Just such a biting psychological profile and the metaphor works on so many levels. It's movies here but it started as professional sports if you'll recall. Hell, all billionaire philanthropy applies.

I'm pretty whatever about it I mean, I'm cool to drink beer and watch a movie with my Dad. He makes some sort of joke about Jewish people, which I don't get the impression is intended to seem antisemitic or even is really but I point out to him that I'd maybe not make a joke about that kind of thing. I then go on a rant about all the topics I'm just not gonna touch as a white guy in the year 2023. I'm an expert on what I'm an expert on, you know? I don't need to have an opinion on everything so I just don't. There's no reason for me to take up that space.

Anyway, I didn't even know Gene Siskel was Jewish until I woke up and what was that Brad Pitt baseball movie named again? Moneyball. How Hollywood accidentally fuels antisemitism among morons. Metaphors within metaphors.

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