Only the Smoke Knows

5/23/2023 -

During the hypnagogic portion of the evening it's all stuff beyond comprehension but with a theme. Various higher dimensional entities are plotting and planning moves. It's like a game to them. At one point I pull out of this liminal state and am informed:

"All eyes see possibilities"

Ahhh, the 4th dimensional realm that's controlling ours. They don't just see the present like we do, they see interconnected potentiality and influence our reality accordingly. Of course this is what materialists hate about psi phenomenon in general. It's not concrete. Prophecy is often about what you want to prevent from happening, not what is going to happen.

On that theme later I have the creepiest dream I've have in a long time. In it I've dozed off in bed and my wife is waking me up. When she does I know it's the first day of vacation and we're both lying in bed planning on what to do with the rest of the day but when I awake and answer the question she was asking I realize she's very much pregnant. Fairly far along too and her belly is bursting out from the white shirt she's wearing.

I'm shocked. Jesus Christ...the horror. How did I agree to this or let this happen? As I'm chatting with her I'm utterly terrified inside and trying my best not to show it. What the fuck? I'm going to be a dad? Why? This is insane. It's obviously my kid in that belly. I've woken up into some terrifying alternate reality but I don't know that I'm dreaming. And before you get all judge-y. My wife is autistic. We both have schizophrenia in our family (her mom, my brother). I have Hashimoto's disease. There is roughly zero odds this kid's life won't be a horror show and I can't think of anything I'd like to do less with my life than raise a child.

The dream goes on for a bit and honestly it just seemingly involves us wandering around a small town looking at boring attractions but good fucking god. This is the closest thing to a nightmare I've had in ages. Holy hell the feeling. Pure terror. And yes, I suppose as much as I can complain about how my life has turned out, this is a possibility that was most fortunately completely avoided. Just my spirit guide's way of letting me know that things could have turned out way worse. Fair point.

3/24/2023 -

Yet another alternate version of the singular hypnagogic theme that's always pervading my sleep states. Here I'm sentient grey smoke hovering outside my body and yes, the sensation of obviousness at the fact that I'm only temporarily pretending to be a human is absolutely there. This goes on most of the night and it becomes this game where the smoke is controlling me yet it's a bit different because it's like I'm just smoke and hands. The living smoke is controlling my hands. I am both a writer and a guitar player I suppose so this tracks in a way.

Being an entity comprised of living smoke and controlling a talking monkey is of course more complicated than one would imagine. In fact, I keep running into this scenario where the first move I'm supposed to make is glaringly obvious, but the next move is more mysterious. The first step is getting me into this blank white room but what I'm supposed to do once I get into the blank room requires much contemplation as it's not entirely obvious.

This goes on most of the night and eventually leads to a dream where I'm temporarily living in a house with all these other people. Our goal is to solve some sort of mystery and yet I do not at all remember what this mystery entailed after waking up. I do remember that we solved it though. In fact, after doing so we head back to our pad and I go downstairs to take a shit and shower. When I'm done this stocky woman with short dark hair wearing jeans comes in and is like:

"Oh, you were helping us make pasta?"

I have no idea what she's talking about so she goes over to the kitchen that's now in this bathroom and shows me how she started making a pasta dish before I commandeered the room to which I'm like:

"Nah, I was just taking a shit and showering. I didn't even know this was a kitchen."

But I grab a large bag of flaming hot twisty Fritos on my way out and head upstairs. There was a supposed to be a bunch of food for a goodbye dinner but it now looks like it's mostly gone. I wonder aloud if a bag of snacks is going to be enough for dinner. I'll probably have to grab something else on our way out of town. Not the most compelling dream admittedly but hey, the mystery was in fact solved. I get the vibes I'm not supposed to remember what that was or how we solved it. Only the smoke knows.

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