My Exquisite Receiver

1/10/2026 –

While meditating I’m told my mental health will never be better.

Then I’m told I’m solid. Impenetrable. Invincible in this realm.

Which reminds me: Oh yeah. That spell I was supposed to cast last night that I forgot about. I’m on it. Better if it starts on the 11^th as is. I forgot on purpose. Clearly.

What’s next? Boring dreams. I’m like hanging out with a crew of people from my past including an artist I have a ton of respect for (and sort of a crush on). We’re packing up our stuff and heading out (because of course) and at the last minute it’s decided that we’re going to head down and do like a tour of the American Southwestern cities and then head back up the west coast.

This sounds fun and everyone’s on board except me. I am until I’m remembering my job and how I can’t just take a week off work all last second. Can I just work from home at each of these stops? It doesn’t seem super feasible. I really want to go though. I keep digging around and what not, and unpacking my shit again. I’m not sure what happens but it’s fucking boring. I hope I went on the trip but don’t entirely recall.

What else? God, yet another annoying sitch where I drive down south of the city. Then I get lost and abandon my car. I call my brother because I’m lost in the dark and he tells me to head over to I-5. I walk west to highway and he finds me. I did leave my car though. I can’t believe I didn’t take a photo of where I left my car either. I’m thinking this as I’m walking down the road near where I left it, in my mind. I’m not sure what the solution to that problem is?

And then just lots and lots of dreams of me being in this apartment that’s like loosely based on my apartment from college. People keep showing up and irritating me because like, how am I going to sleep with all these people here? This guy with long black curly hair who kind of reminds me of Timothee Chalamet eventually shows up and yeah. Not the greatest vibes. He just mumbles and I can’t understand him at all. He does throw down what looks like some cool, jewelry, or candy or something at one point. He just tosses it on the kitchen counter like it’s dice. I ask him to elaborate to what it is and it’s all garbled. A divination technique I imagine. He has a weird energy.

I don’t know what the end result of any of this is though. Do I ever actually gather up all my shit to leave? I don’t know and honestly, it’s so boring I don’t even care.

Later something about layoffs. Seems like a shadow. Not etched in mind. I’m writing it down so it doesn’t manifest.

Then an image of myself. I’m looking cool in a printed-out picture although I have a slight mullet hairstyle. Also, it’s set against a background of ocean waves. That tracks. I am the water.

Next it’s a photo of this woman. I don’t even remember what she looks like but she’s set against a background of fire. I believe this is the Natasha they’ve been mentioning. Welcome to the party. It’s an absolute shit show.

1/11/2026 –

I’m reminded of the receiver model of consciousness. Yes. The meds are distorting the signal. I’m only getting the meaning with none of the exotic flair. This is the problem exactly. I’m told this is my prized possession. My exquisite receiver. Strange way of putting it but I mean, sure. I did dream every night for like 3 years.

I’m later told something about them removing my thyroid. That is probably the end game with this endocrinology bullshit, isn’t it? I’m out. Is my thyroid my prized possession? I have no idea what’s going on here with the prized possession thing, honestly.

1/12/2026 –

I’m told this world essentially had no defenses, which I find shocking despite not even knowing why. They weren’t playing any defense. Cancer planet. I am the living cheat code. So forth and so on.

I’m also reminded that I’m essentially blind. Oh, and that I’m not here. They keep telling me that I’m not here and reminding me that I only sort of understand this. I only kind of grasp that I’m not here.  

Later in the night a dream. I’m going to a big concert with friends. It’s the White Stripes, Panda Bear, and one other act I can’t remember. I head out into the surrealist city streets. It’s a vibe. A cool bliss dark and rainy vibe. What isn’t cool is that as we’re getting closer to the venue, I’m hearing the White Stripes. They’ve already started?

Seems so. I try to get the ticket out of my pocket and I can’t. Why do I even have a paper ticket? Wouldn’t it be on my phone? Oh god, you know how this goes. Everything phone related goes wonky real quick. I’m in the venue and the White Stripes are playing though, despite the ticket sitch. Meg White looks great and it’s an incredibly odd and sparkly over the top almost circus set up. Wait, Meg White is playing drums? Panda Bear hasn’t played yet, has he? As long as I didn’t miss any of that shit we’re good. 

One more thing. I’m told that my godhead possession experience was “consensual”. As opposed to the terrifying nature of the classic alien abduction experience. For sure. That shit was awesome.

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