It's Like I'm Not Even Here
- Thad McKraken

- 13 hours ago
- 3 min read

3/13/2026 –
“Baby GOAT”
Comes into my meditative headspace.
In the morning I relax into a very deep meditative dream. I’m living in this cool ass house that has a bunch of amazing art displays around. It all looks like my stuff and the arrangement is surreal and fantastical. I love the blue painted walls. This is a fantastic place and I think to myself.
“Well, even if we only get to live here for a short time, it’s cool that we got to live here.”
I get closer to the one art installation. Fan-fucking-tastic. I knocked that shit out of the park. Later I’m hanging with this almost 50’s looking blonde house wife looking woman and it’s like, oh, you’re going to sleep with some other dude after I put in the work. Whatever.
I’m then hanging outside the building in the financial district I used to work at downtown. I just happen to be hanging there when I run into this old friend and his crew. This is so synchronous I can’t believe it and now I have to have a beer with them. My friend really wants to go much much further south and I’m supposed to rendezvous with another friend a bit further northwest. The vibes ain’t vibing despite the synchronicity. I know what this all means.
Next I’m told about:
“Seed capital.”
Working on it.
3/14/2026 –
In my meditative state I’m digging through e-mails.
Then I’m looking at a TV screen with two black mountains. Two sharp pointed rock black mountains.
Next I’m told something about 8 men in Wisconsin. I do not understand this at all.
In a trance:
“Foodstamps”
And
“Nightmare”
Yes. We cut food stamps and that is some nightmare fuel bullshit.
Now I’m sort of shown how utterly strange the circumstances that caused my car accident were. Yes. Spectrum related. Wasn’t really thinking of it that way but absolutely.
Then I invoke a vision of a black 50’s sci fi refractor wave black and gray tv static psychedelic mushroom eye. It’s temporary but I’m mildly impressed. Always feels good to summon a mushroom eye. The eyes beyond death.
3/15/2026 –
Very cool ganj-i-tation visions with these purple psychedelic smoke/lava lamp type vibes. It’s like a purple mist lava lamp energy robot mutation cloud. I can dig it. The purple is deep.
Later I’m awakened from a sleep state with a jolt.
“You are totally alone!”
True and I immediately realize why working from home is harder on me than most people. Other people have allistic partners to talk to at the end of the day. Jesus, the fact that this never occurred to me before is baffling. Also sad, very sad.
I’m later told:
“She cannot win without you.”
True story.
Right before waking up I’m in this odd dream world. First I’m hanging out with a group of students and we’re all comparing these super cool suitcases. Yes, these are amazing and it seems like we all have them. I get this metaphor. Gotta pack your baggage concisely for passage into the higher realms.
Now I’m in this like apartment or dorm complex that we’re supposed to be leaving soon. Typical shit. What’s odd though is that while I’m hanging out in my pad, which seems like a small townhouse honestly, it’s like the guy who’s supposedly at the top of the food chain or just super rich walks through this energy barrier door into my room.
I don’t get it either but I follow him through this translucent energy vortex and what is going on here? I look around and determine that he’s just got a slightly bigger place than ours. It’s a big townhouse but that’s really it. It’s just slightly bigger really. Can’t entirely say what the metaphor there is entirely but it seems like I can invade his world like it’s nothing. It’s like I’m not even there.



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